Today I realised that my frustration and creative block come from having THE SAME EXPECTATIONS at all times.
I saw that I've been carrying a picture of "what I want to create" and "what I want to represent with my art" and somewhere on the way it stopped fitting me. I changed. My daughter changed. Our environment changed, our social life and so many other aspects of life have transformed... And yet I carried on imagining that I should continue to create in a way to match the original design. I created that design. And I created my own frustration. If nothing else - at least it's good for me to understand that. I see now I have to let myself free truly free explode from the canvas stop using whatever media I'm expecting myself to use and just try new things go blind for a while and forget what I used to be what I want to be the mess the order the possible outcomes of whatever. I've been meaning to do so many things WITH Saule.. including her felt like the right thing to do, like a natural thing. But the fact I lost from sight was that I need solitary creative time just as much as I need to creatively experiment with my daughter... That I need to be on my own. Undisturbed. Un-nudged. Sometimes... I need quiet. Not even music. I need to stare in one point for a good while. Maybe fall asleep. Have a dream. Wake up. And still in that silence.... draw a few lines. I am a lone dancer - I need to acknowledge that to go further in my togetherness with Her. It's important to keep in mind, that whatever the image we've wrapped around ourselves, it's not a full image. And the wild, true self will keep emerging. Reminding us... that there's more, and this "more" is unbound. There are no lines to frame our potential and form. Just movement. Constant flow of energy... * This evening my legs got painted with watercolours, but they were not my hands holding the brush. It's been over 10 years since my calves caught the colour like this. Can you believe? Didn't even take a picture, but you can take my word. Children have that ability... to remind us.. constantly remind us of great things by their own motion unbound and constant motion...
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August 2020
May all mothers find peace in this creative universe and often rest their heads on its playful lap ♥
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